I have lost my husband and children in my addiction I have severe ptsd when I try to stay clean all the feelings come back then I want to die. I have being going through the vicious of getting clean then falling off the horse for 10 years I have not dealt with the loss of my family I just keep numbing the pain because when I feel it I get suicidal I tried overdosing cutting my arms but I lived. So the cravings are more then severe