i cant remember the last time i was 100%. clean without the dependence of Suboxin or Methadone- i would say 2010.. when i went through detox/rehab/halfway- then again in 2014, so im very fearful of feeling fully. as i turn to using and opitate substatutes as a way to numb and not feel..especially when i feel anxious, stress and overhelmed.. although now i have a whole diffrent life then i did back then, as i have worked on healing as a whole person, healing limiting beliefs, healing the innerchild, greif, as i built a sturdy foundation while on methadone- finding myself, rediscovering passions, hobbies, and persuing goals i never have  before in the past, i now have a career i love, helping others heal through energetic work + Yoga, and things worth living for and looking forward to- i feel like i have lived 10 diffrent lives within this human experience this time around. I have focused on healing my mindstate, and body in a holistic way, although i am far from healed - clearly.. 