Hello my name is tony. I live in Reidsville NC. I started doing pain pills in 2009 and by 2011 I was using heroin. The last 13 years of my life have been a complete mess I have been in and out of jail so many times for stealing from corporations like Walmart and Lowe’s just because I didn’t want to be sick. My tolerance hasn’t really ever went up or down as long as I’ve got .2 every day of what I reckon it would be the best of the best I’m content I don’t use to get high I do a half a point at breakfast ,lunch, dinner, and bedtime just not to be sick. There has been other drugs that I’ve done where I have really messed up and blew all my money and then I didn’t have the money to buy my opiates which made me commit crimes because the fear of withdrawals and every time that I think I have it beat I end up going through postacute withdrawals and it takes me right back to it. I can go six months and think that I’m a brand new person and just lay down one night to go to sleep and get 3 times sicker than I ever would’ve been if I was using on a regular daily basis. I have been to rehab twice I have tried methadone clinic I’ve done all three the methadone to Suboxone and Subutex but all it does is blanket the problem it doesn’t fix it and for some reason I just can’t seem to quit no matter what I do and how hard I try and Lord knows I’ve tried. About seven years ago my mother died from cancer and she was hooked on pain pills before she got cancer as was I so she understood dope sickness to where I couldn’t understand the cancer but she would give me half her prescription every month while they’re at the end of her life her last prescription she asked for something stronger and They give her something that does not work for me and I cussed her out and I called her selfish not realizing that I was the one who was selfish ( I can still see her shocked face) because of this addiction my last conversation with both my parents I have to eat and regret every day for the way I spoke to them. But that still hasn’t been enough to quit I don’t care about getting high I just want not to be sick. I have contemplated suicide too many times and I’m scared that one day I’m gonna go through with it because I’m going to eventually get tired of hitting rock-bottom or one day just decide that I can’t handle being sick no more. I don’t have medical insurance momentarily I don’t have nothing not too long ago I messed up again I even lost my dog which was my whole world and don’t even know if she’s still alive or not I’ve always gotten along with animals better than people I don’t know why. She was my child!!! I can replace my house in my car and everything it’s all luxuries . The pleasure of love only last for a moment and the pain of love last a whole lifetime. I’m  currently staying at my step dad‘s house and about three weeks ago I got hooked back on the stuff again and I know that I’m about to be homeless because he’s gonna kick me out once he figures out that I’m on it. i’m also on probation if I violate I have to go to three years and my probation officer will violate me if I’m homeless. And I’m not going back to Jail I’ve done decided that they can kill me first I will put up a fight to where they will have to kill me I’m not going back. I really need help because I am to the point that I just want to go buy enough and do one last shot! I’m so so tired!!! And I am a really good person and I don’t deserve the things that I’ve been through and put other people through I have worked my butt off my whole life and I have nothing and it’s all because of drugs and to only be 33 years old I have an enlarged heart an in-regular heartbeat so my blood pressure is always high I have diabetes I have epilepsy I’m blind in my left eye and The list goes on but I’m not disabled I don’t get a check and I still have to get up and go to work every day to make ends meet and sometimes it’s just too much for me especially with no medical insurance and not having the proper medication’s that I need I hope the right person reads this and I hope y’all can help but I’m broke and I’m at the very end because I am truly about to just give up. 