I have SUFFERED a I do mean that in every possible sense or use of the word from a opioid dependency for decades. I was successful at quitting benzodiazepines even after being prescribed them for 12 years. I thought if I can handle that I surely beat my opiate dependency and I use the term dependent over addiction because I can when constantly prescribed an opiate maintain. the unfortunate part is it's not just me...my husband is someone who absolutely can not take opiates as prescribed and it creates a breeding ground of codependency and tension between us because I can't watch him suffer and give him what I already KNOW I NEED and when given away will cause the most violent withdrawal symptoms I've ever read seen or even heard of. it's like my body turns agaisnt itself and I almost always end up in the hospital from dehydration due to my preexisting intractable vomiting and the terrible diarrhea &amp; lack of appetite that comes from withdrawal. and even knowing what I'm going to put myself through I give my medication to him. I'm not unlike 99% of people dependent on opiates in that I will ALWAYS want more or a higher dose. I'm only a different kind of addict in that when it's only me (known because of a few times in my 20 year marriage we've been apart I TAKE ONLY WHAT I AM prescribed). when it's just me (&amp; my children of course) I maintain and I don't experience withdrawal because I KNOW what will happen what's at stake and deviation will only bring MISERY of the WORST kind that's SOLELY MY FAULT or doing..so I don't deviate.I have tried suboxone and subutex and I even went through an entire year of waking at 430am and driving to a different state where methadone clinics could be found to dose. I done it the right way by dosing down and never up but before I knew it I was earning "take homes" (daily doses...and over half my doses were going to my husband. it worked in a sense because it, unlike suboxone, actually made me feel NORMAL and the pain TOLERABLE. I was unable to pay for the expensive treatment and when the pain was once again more than I could bare my tolerance (or the amount of medication that was actually effective was exactly as it was BEFORE the year on methadone and I needed just as much to feel normal as I did to just making the pain TOLERABLE. my husband is now on suboxone and SWEARS by it but all the while still wanting half of any opiate I can get my hands on...so how effective is it then?  when I even ATTEMPT to explain to him suboxone has absolutely no therapeutic value to me he can't or won't accept it. I would love nothing more than to be able to take a strip or tablet once or twice daily and not feel the way I do without an opiate...but sadly that's not my story and absolutely no one believes me...even when they see me in violent withdrawal while having suboxone in my system! I have half jokingly said for years that if "hell" is person specific my hell would or will be an eternity of withdrawal because I can think of NOTHING worse! I can honestly say I'd prefer death than 10 minutes in my own body when absent an opiate! if I'm being totally transparent I actually tried that route...even signing a dnr incase as I felt my luck would go I didn't actually die but a "vegetable" for lack of a better term and unable to breathe on my own. ironically I didn't even consider the 2 different medical options...I foolishly thought 1 dnr at one hospital would do the trick. well I took 120 blue 1mg xanax at 11:30 the night I got them filled and somehow my heart didn't stop until almost 6am the following morning in route to a Choice of hospital picked by my father but unknowingly was the one I did NOT have a dnr on file for and after multiple attempts over a week and a half in a coma and on a ventilator I finally started to breathe on my own. I won't even go into the nightmare or joke they called mandatory in a state mental hospital but I guess by the grace of God I fully recovered and didn't even suffer any kidney damage or damage of any kind that I'm aware of. so in conclusion I'm desperate and I'm completely aware of the fact that I will ALWAYS be an ADDICT but after trying EVERY possible alternative I can think of...including death...I CAN'T stop the pain medication on my own. I consider myself of average intelligence and even took neuro anatomy during my MS and while I KNOW some have receptors for the opiates die off quickly and others more slowly I KNOW I read some people's receptors will never die off. I want to be me again...i want to be able to take a mild pain reliever and have it actually help. I want to for ONCE in decades not fear each day without OPIATES. if this option isn't available or affordable or effective for me I honestly don't know what I will do.