About 8 months ago I tried turning the wheel of the car to wreck while my ex boyfriend was driving my car I was in the passenger seat. I had a break down like I think I finally broke. The only thing that stopped me was the realization that he did not deserve to be hurt just because I wanted to be. I don't want anyone else hurting because of me. We got into an argument of my choices and actions and ultimately I finally snapped from all the pressures I was going through. Its like I dont care until it's to late and just do before thinking. I want to live but not like this. Subutex has helped save my life but now I feel like it has a hold over me and a grip with everything I do and I dont want to live like this anymore. I want to move on. I stopped using heroin successfully. Have no cravings. The only thing I crave is subutex and if i run out I don't run to drugs but i run to buy subutex because I no I need it. So if I could get passed this it would mean the world to me. Im not against subutex as long as the right doctors are doing what is needed for the patient. 