Gosh,, I hate this part..
I really dont want to kill myself. But ive been very low a few times. 
A documented occurrence was around October of 2010. I was Married to a woman that was having a affair with a Police Officer here at the Sheriffs Office.  We had been married only 2 months and i let her telling me get to me. Later that day i was in my garage ( I lived on 50 acres literally 1/2 mile outside of town) with my guns that i always used no problems, not a big deal. But i was drinking myself to numb the pain. Had a rifle in my hands and she told me i didn't have the guts to do it. I discharged a round thru the roof. She called her boyfriend, and to make a long story short, i ended up being arrested and had to 18 months in prison. The court and judge never brought up the affair with the cop. And i never got the help i needed at that point. 


Another issue,  i was molested by my uncle when i was young and he was 17 or so. Well a year later he was killed in a accident. My parents thought i was too young too remember being like 4 or so. So they never brought it up and it was never talked about again. 2 years ago i asked them if its true cause i was tripping and it has always bothered me but i just pushed it away not really knowing for sure and i didnt want to sound like im dreaming about my dead uncle messing with me and its not true. so never talked about till 2 years ago when i finally asked and they admitted it. Mom said to get over it everyone gets molested when there young. Still really havent dealt with that one. i wasnt gonna kill myself, but the thought of itb has crossed my mind so many times. again i do not want to hurt myself and i am not going too.. for the record. 

