If it’s not opiates it HAS to be ANYTHING else mind altering. I am not happy unless I am drunk, high, or sleeping. I TRY to be happy just to be alive. But, that lasts a day at most. Then I sink into a deep depression (if I don’t have drugs or alcohol) I can’t get anything done when I’m sober. I have severe anxiety and seclude myself. I’m afraid to even answer or make phone calls (that’s still the case sober or not. Not sure what that’s about. But it sucks)  I have no idea how to be sober or “clean”. I’m 32 now. I have been on drugs and/or alcohol for more than half of my life. It’s DEFINITELY my main and possibly only coping mechanism. I even think I’m addicted to acetaminophen. I take 1000mg or more a day, every day! I have headaches and migraines but most of the time I just take it so that I don’t take more of my suboxone or aderall or Xanax or diazepam. The second I feel pain (physical or emotional) I feel that I NEED to take something. Whatever amount I take is never enough at this point in my life. So, now I am at a point where I am almost certain my addiction(s) will kill me one way or another.