10 years.  Subs. In between I cold turkey and off 3 q day and I had to crawl and couldn't function.  I was begging my friend to cut my legs off because the pain was awful! I had to go for methadone.  They had me over 160 mg and it was baffling to the doctor I was in a fog and it lasted well after getting off. I was sick again my noon if I dosed st 9 . It was horrid. Then I relocated and back to subs. I then had horrible side effects ojn3 wnd I went straight to one half per day . It was so strange ss it ky body rejected it. I had sleep paralysis.i did not do oral care. It was crazy then ar one half I was better!! Then suddenly  life happened and im back at 2 a day and sometimes one. 
I hate it. 
I take psych mefs and clonopin is one. I will not stop it until over subs. My teeth are ruined.  I hate the fact that doctors tell me its lfor life but why? I have not drank since 09 . No relapse of pain pills ever !! Never.  So. I feel as it numbs me. It seems to take my energy. I have a friend who fell this way and she went in and was medically weaned. 
I ask if it's at all possible to do it outpatient or in a facility during summer that accepts moms with children. 
I am so afraid of that impending doom I felt before ( I would explain it as I " couldn't wake up " and I remember telling my psychiatrist that I wasn't in control.  That something was functioning for me.it was a frightening spiritual experience for me. and I can't risk weaning alone all the way because I must ensure that my mental health especially stays under control!! 
I live out of state and 
I am not originally from here so I don't really know where to turn and I just am inquiring if it's possible for treatment to wean orf completely? Also would you know of a facility that takes in women with older children? 
I don't have  close extended family with the time to help me through this!! I am desperate for advice because all I hear are horror stories.  I felt that it was a death sentence to come off subs experience methadone not working and I remember the tole that these withdrawals did! I just need advice.  I can't afford thevisuys anymore and my doctor doesn't want me to stop ? I fear being old one day and then suddenly nothing available and I believe subs and methadone withdrawals are deadly!! I believe they are over given and im angry that doctors don't understand that subs and methadone are THOUSANDS TIMES WORSE THAN HERRON WITHDRAWALS!! 
I appreciate your time!! 
I feel its not supposed to be a life sentence. It's caused more problems than anything lately and I hate it! 
Thanks again so much!! I PRay for a solution off this. THIS isn't me!! I don't want to be numbed any longer!! 