2010 I took e large amount of methadone tablets (10 mg's per tablet), not exactly sure on the amount but  it was an extremely large amount with the intention to just not wake up. My ex-wife decided to leave me and we just had a newborn son, because of my drug use, she had given me ample chances and it didn't matter to me at the time apparently, because I continued to use in large amounts. This was all within a year of the VA cutting me off cold turkey. Now looking back I truly believe the care I received was not only extremely dangerous but I have an extremely hard time comprehending the gross negligence that has taken place, and this pattern of thought has led me down extremely dark places and has majorly contributed to the suicidal ideology sometimes. I'm a strong guy that used to love life but until I read about ANR the feeling of hopelessness was a more common than not daily emotion. I SO BADLY WANT THIS LONG DRAWN OUT CHAPTER IN MY LIFE THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ENJOYABLE,  AT LEAST HAVE A HAPPY ENDING, AND I TRULY WELCOME THE NEXT CHAPTER TO BE FREE OF ALL THIS BAD STUFF, I AM EXTREMELY EXCITED ABOUT THIS POSSIBILITY AND I WILL CONTINUE TO CARRY THE OPTIMISM, BECAUSE THIS IS HUGE. I truly can't remember a time in my life where I was this excited. Sorry to ramble