I need to get back to the me before I was taking 20 hydrocodone..I want to wake up every day not worrying about if I'm going to withdraw,if I have enough pills for the day or thinking of an excuse to make to tell my kids I can't see them or take them out to the park...my biggest problem is I do NOT want to withdraw I don't want to feel the withdraws I don't want to live .  My withdraws hit within 2 hours of me taking my last pill and they hit hard. I would do anything to get back to taking 4 a day for my pain instead of taking 20 to 30 a day to take the withdraws away. I'm pushing all my loved ones away  and they hate who I have become. I want my life back . I am done with the pill life.  I want to be the one who controls my body and my life . I have gone broke and I'm losing everything.