If I’m bored if my anxiety is high if I fight with my new boyfriend if something really bad happens even when I’m happy I just think about it all day long and it’s so bad that my brain so doesn’t stop thinking about it that I’m not present at anytime during any conversation or interaction because I’m worried how long so I got till I feel like shit so should I do something now to prevent it (again no one knows I’m using again yet) it’s just non stop and as soon as I realize where my brain is I know it apparent I’m not right so I start nervous acting and then my anxiety gets so bad I cant hardly stand it like I don’t know how to just “be” or be me around ANYONE and inside I’m panicking but have to keep it cool so no one knows what’s going on inside my head but god knows I’m probably not as foolable as I think I am!!! Then the guilt...... it’s all ruining my life I DONT WANT THIS!!!!!!