My story is not what it seems. I should have NEVER been put on methadone. I was prescribed pain pills for about 5years. I was able to wean off a couple times with the assistance of Gabapentin which was still uncomfortable. After I was free of everything… I was the happiest physically I had ever been. I ended up back on pain pills (these were prescribed due to nerve damage from an accident) when the winter season came around and made the pain worse again. For some reason this time I couldn’t stop taking them. I even had to take more than my script per day because I was becoming tolerant to them. My doctor didn’t want to up my dose in any way so would add other non-addictive pain pills. I knew any more time on these meds would lead me down a dangerous path. One of the times I had weaned myself off of my pain pills, I was struggling and asked a friend how she did it and she introduced me to suboxone. She had a large script and gave me many days worth. I’d cut I’m the strip in half and it worked wonders. I felt normal. Not sluggish or high or anything. I weaned off of those and was clean. So this last time when I weaned myself off… I went to the county behavioral building and they said I would need a special doctor who has the license to distribute suboxones and there wasn’t one available for 2 weeks. I was told I could get back on my pain pills and wait till then. But for me, I didn’t want to go backwards. The second option was to go to this methadone clinic where they do both suboxone and methadone and I could get in the next day. Sounded great. They told me that even though my case wasn’t that bad, that they never start anyone off on suboxone even when methadone is a stronger option that wasn’t needed. You start off on methadone and then they balance you out on your dosage over the course of time and then wean you from there. I had no idea how strong methadone was or then effects of it in my system at this length. It’s an addiction so much more worse than what I was in. I took my pills as prescribed and was on them for too long and had a hard time the last time weaning off of them and I wanted this last time to be permanent. The doctors here encourage you to move your dose up if it’s not working and around my menstrual cycle, the methadone barely works. At first I didn’t realize this and told the one doctor and he kept encouraging me to go up and I needed more, yet when I wasn’t on my cycle, it was almost too much. We realized then that it was just hormonal and every time of the month I was encouraged go and stay up just so long as I wasn’t using anything else and it was doing it’s job of keeping me off my pain pills. One of the counselors there told me that because they need to maintain a patient amount in order to stay open and be funded by the state… they push the methadone. I went from a 4 norco a day habit as prescribed to a 200mg/day dose of methadone. I’m now at 180 and the progress to wean is so slow and I’m getting ready to move out of necessity and lack of financial stability here and can’t leave because I need my clinic. I was never “emotionally addicted” to meds. I was always the same person on and off them. I was only ever “physically addicted.” I have no funds to get the help you guys offer and yet I don’t see myself having a life without your help. I’ve hit a depression from this situation as well as what the strain of the pandemic has done to my finances. I want my life back before all of this started. I’ve also suffered heart issues due to the dosage and am now on beta blockers and at risk of sudden cardiac death. I am leaving here this fall in search of better work opportunities and have no money right now for this. I’m going with a friend who is taking me along out of the kindness of their heart to see if I can find more work opportunities elsewhere where they are headed. Do you have any programs or charity programs for a single mother such as myself? My ex husband and I have had 50/50 custody of our 13.5 year old for many years and she is now living with him full time because of how hard things have been around here. The only chance I have to get out of here and find better work opportunities with the assistance of this friend and to be free of methadone permanently to do this is with you guys. I’m desperate. You probably get stories like this all the time and if you’re like any other places, may call patients in need with hoops they can jump through that are more stressful to try and other places to look into because money is what keeps your company going. But if there’s any chance and any room for me to be who I was before the methadone and even before the pain pills (even though I was taking them as prescribed)… I’m a person who has no trouble sticking through with the recovery to make it permanent. As I said, I can suffer withdrawals and the opioids never adjusted me emotionally or personally. But not these methadone withdrawals. And not in the time I need to. This never should’ve happened to me, but it also should never Happen to anyone and I’m one of thousands and probably millions with this story. Please help me reclaim my life. 