I have been addicted to opiates before. It was too complicated to put in the small fields. I just went through the withdrawal from prescription pain medication and then saw my doctor and got prescribed suboxone. I was off of the suboxone in six months. Then years later I hurt my back real bad and had spine surgery. Thus, pain medication. This time stronger and for years and years. I get morphine, oxycodone, and clonipin. I have servere pain everyday. I still need surgery on both my lower and upper spine. My husband lost his job last February so we lost our insurance. I haven't been able to see my doctor in six months or more. I stopped getting my prescription but still have the need for medication. I suffer so much everyday from so much pain. There's no position that's comfortable. I lay down, stand up, sit down, change position constantly. Even the medicine doesn't help at all. It gets very tiresome looking for medicine to buy and the cost of buying it, insane. I got some awful advice from a relative that heroin is cheaper. It was but I feel worse now. I'm just tired of being broke bc I have to have this and have to work to pay for it. When I find this website, I damn near cried. The anxiety I feel every second of every day is unbearable. Every time I think about this situation I have this reaction, it's like the first day of school when you're a kid but 100 times worse. My heart races, my stomach drops, this wash of adrenalin encases me and it happens over and over again. I've since learned that I can stop an adrenalin rush right before it happens but I can't catch all of them. I'm terrified of withdrawal symptoms and the guilt is just as bad. I don't have 20k but I figured I would at least try. Honestly, just knowing this is available makes me feel a tiny bit of hope. 