I've tried getting myself clean more times then I could count over the last 13 years and actually did twice. the first time it lasted about 8 months and the second it lasted a little over a year, I just stopped cold turkey and locked myself away for a month. the problem is last time I did it, I felt something change in myself, like psychologicaly I feel different I'm unable to feel happy I'm just numb and I have to pretend for people but I can't anymore don't want to.  