early stages of being clean , i think about using constantly. My brain try's to tell me that every activity i go to do will be that more enjoyable if I'm on some type of drug or under the influence of some illegal medication. 
Theres also the fact that life loses its joy in a sense. the best way to describe it is as if life use to be filled with color and when ever i get clean it almost seems as if life becomes black and white , theres this sense of joy that goes missing even the while using now and days life has completely lost its joy either way in a sense , if thats understandable in any way.