each attempt becomes more severe then the previous. knowing whats to come has also been hell mentally, my brain becomes over-anxious and i go into panic mode. i need this procedure. please consider me. i havent been sober for more then 3 months since i was in high school. i feel as though i'm still like 18 yrs old. i have yet to know what its like to live a real life outside of subsrtances. i will hate myself if i am unable to to show my parents what i'm capable of as a productvie citizen. i need them to know that none of this was their faults. i made those choices that as a results created this life i'm living. i want to wake up and want to be alive. i want to be happy more then anything.